Monday, January 4, 2010

How is it?

How is it that the ones that are supposed to love and protect us most in life are the ones who can so easily hurt us? How can they take all that power they have over you and wield it like a weapon? I keep racking my brain but have yet to find the answer to those questions. I wish I was stronger and could say without a doubt that my husband has no chance of ever again breaking my heart, but I can't. I don't know what I would say or do were he to walk through my doors tonight. I know I love him and I miss him and I need and I want him. I know that I want to hate him. I know that if we're over I lose not just my husband but also my best friend. I also know that he obviously doesn't esteem me in the same regard or he could have never destroyed us like this after all we've been through.

I know the very harsh reality that sometimes when you place someone on a pedestal and they fall off, the only thing to get broken is you. That has become my reality.

I'm kooky. My scales have a name. Some days they are my friend and others my worst enemy. Today Bertha was my friend. She registered me in at 182.6 for the day! Not quite a pound down from yesterday, but I'm loving it all the same!

Couldn't quite motivate myself for the Wii Fit today but I did get in about 45 minutes of walking and I stayed off the cokes! And ate Subway Fresh Fit Meals minus the milk....not too shabby. Kind of impressed with myself. I guess it's the drama and stress surrounding me, but so far staying on track has been easier this go round than ever before.


  1. I don't know how you get out of bed in the morning! I like the point you made a
    on my blog about finally being able to take time for your walking at night now that you've taken care of everyone elses needs during the day. Totally makes sense! Glad you were able to stay off the coke. Drugs are never the answer!LOL. Keep your head up, Kid!;-p

  2. Pain can be a great motivator. Hang in there. Keep writing about your feelings, even if you don't publish it. It really helps.